A lot of what we do in the work world (and at home for that matter) is attempt to get people to say "yes" to us. We need agreement or approval from other people before we can do what we want or need to do. That is simply a fact of life in any system, and it applies at all levels–CEOs, Boards, Managers, line staff, as well as external stakeholders like consultants, vendors, etc.

There is a problem, however. In order to get other parties to say yes to us, we tend to inflate, sightly, their expectations. It's not intentional deception. We just over-accentuate the positive of what we want to do or the project we want to happen. This is particularly true when there are money or resources involved (like a consultant trying to get a gig), but it's true across the board. It's easier to get agreement from the other party if we are optimistic and positive about the results. This typically means we only share half of the story or half of the information, because we simply wouldn't mention the parts we are unsure about or any possible negatives. That decreases their chances of saying yes.

When we do this, we are setting ourselves up for failure. Expectations, it turns out, are important things, particularly in terms of brain chemistry. Joe Gerstandt referred me to a Psychology Today blog post about expectations and brain chemistry. The article points out that when we have expectations and they are not met, it has a big impact on our brain, even if they are very small things, or things we weren't particularly aware of. One example was going to the bank to handle something quickly and discovering a long line. You had the expectation (realistic or not) that there would be no line and you could move through quickly, so when that expectation isn't met, you get put into a bad mood. Specifically, it causes a decrease in dopamine in the brain, and that causes the bad mood. Of course the opposite (having your expectations met) will increase dopamine levels. Dopamine is central to the "toward state, to being open, curious, and interested." 

So on a regular basis at work, we raise expectations going into a project in order to get agreement or approval, which may get us the approval but sets us all up for a group dopamine deficiency when those expectations aren't met, even slightly. Consciously or not, the people who said yes are later frustrated by not having their expectations met, and we rarely have people in the work place who are in a "toward state" or open, curious, or interested.

What do we need to change this?

One, we need more truth. We need that other half of the picture that we don't get when people are trying to get us to say yes. But that feels risky, doesn't it? So before that, we probably need more trust. If there were more trust in the system–if you felt that the other people and groups you were working with would regularly safeguard your interests, you'd tell more truth and be clearer about expectations, and the perception of failure would decrease.