I noticed in my Google Analytics the other day that one of the most popular keywords for finding my blog is the phrase "what does respect look like." I did a brief post on that in October 2007, pointing out that when I facilitate, the group frequently asks for "treat each other with respect" as a groundrule, yet that doesn't help me as a facilitator, because I don't know what specific behaviors will be deemed disrespectful.
I've done enough facilitation to know that there is a rather wide range of definitions of respect. It's hard, because each person's definition tends to be assumed to be universal. When your respect is violated, it often brings with it a feeling of astonishment that the other party doesn't see how disrespectful they are being. This makes figuring out what respect "looks like" very difficult.
My understanding of respect all comes down to value (and values). To respect me, you will honor what I value. You don't necessarily have to value it yourself, but you have to allow me to value it without making it "less than" in any way. If I spit on your flag, I make it less than. That's disrespectful. But I don't necessarily have to salute your flag. It's just not that important to me. But I wouldn't consider that disrespect.
So if you want to know what respect (and disrespect) looks like, look for "less than." Look at your own interactions and try to notice that point in your thinking where the other person simply becomes less than. They're not worth listening to, they don't have anything positive to contribute here, they're not that smart, their intentions are not worthy…you get the picture. Maybe that one idea isn't so great, but does it warrant the drop into the "less than" category? You're moving into the land of disrespect here.
Want more respect in the workplace? Accept what other people value. Let them value that, even if you don't like it. Let them be them. You don't have to agree with them, and if their values are driving behavior that has a negative impact on you or the system, then you all need to talk about it and make some changes. But keep that conversation focused on behavior and impact, and not your judgments about whether or not the other side is right, adequate, normal, or worthy.
What does respect look like? It looks like just about anything you do while you are allowing someone else to be themselves fully.